I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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