Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Randomize
