smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
