What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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