Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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