Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
