i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
