having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
