My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Randomize
