No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
