okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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