Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
