We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
