He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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