I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
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