therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
