Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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