i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
