arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
