I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
