There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
im about as happy as oj after his trial
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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