first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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