I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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