He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
