i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
