i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
