I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
