Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
