R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
