trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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