Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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