new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
