Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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