ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
