I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
