i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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