I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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