Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
