the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
