Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
