508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
