Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
