It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
