come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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