trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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