Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
