I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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