I intend to get homeless drunk
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
So much Jack, so little girl.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
