hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
