When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
