And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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