Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
