Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
