There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
