I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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