More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
