I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
