1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
