fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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